We all love the idea of walking on water. Salty air. Salty hair. Our eyes fixed above the waves. Feet slow, steady, and sure. The winds howling and tumbling at every side, yet on we walk.
The scariest and also the most beautiful part about all of this is that you are not the one who is in control while everything is happening. It is a wonderful and a terrifying thought. The day the doctor told me that a 207th bone had somehow made its home in my left foot, wonderful and beautiful were the last adjectives I had in mind.
When I found out about my extra bone, I was preparing to compete in the 2013 Asian Grand Prix, a solo ballet competition in Hong Kong. The timing couldn't get any worse. I refused to let that stop me, though. So I pushed. I pushed and pushed. My strength. My desires. My will. My, my, me.
I dreaded training every night. There was one Friday in particular where the pain was so intense that I wanted to kick off my pointe shoes and break down crying right there in the middle of the studio in front of all the other dancers. I was practicing my dance and as I went en pointe, I swear, I thought my bone had finally given in and cut through my flesh. I was half expecting to look down and see it protruding with my foot all torn up and blood running like a river. That wasn't the case, but it sure felt like it.
For months, I questioned and accused Him of having timing that was terribly off and nonsensical. I deceived myself by taking my desires, will, and plan and just relabelling them as His desires, will and plan. I didn't want to lose control over that area of my life, which was built literally on years of sweat, blood, and tears. Surrendering would mean broken pride, and I was afraid of breaking. I was still in the process of learning that I wasn't made for me.
As I sank deeper and deeper into the storm that I had allowed to brew, I came to the point where I finally surrendered and like the winds, acknowledged His name. Only it was a name I had never encountered until then. His name was Jehovah Rapha, God my healer. And He was. That extra bone has never bothered me since.
We will never be able to walk on water if we ourselves will not allow Him to calm the storm that rages in us. The most obvious thing about God that we forget is that. He is God. So let Him be God.
Today, I am walking on water. Salty air. Salty hair. My eyes fixed above the waves. Feet slow, steady, and sure. The winds howling and tumbling at every side, yet on I walk.
The most beautiful part about all of this is that I am not the one who is in control while everything is happening.
And I don't find it scary at all.
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This blog post is part of Victory Philippines' media movement to encourage its church members to revisit its core values. This week's topic is lordship. #MyVictoryStory
Read these posts for a more flavorful, different perspective on lordship.
1. Jesus is Lord Over My Love Life by Joe Bonifacio
2. Lord and Lordship by Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio
3. One Tough Decision by Dennis Sy
4. His Ways Are Higher by Karess Rubrico
5. Passion for Passion by Ganns Deen
6. Lordship is... by Paolo Punzalan
9. When Obeying Meant Simply Letting Go by Val Baguios III
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