open door, closed heart

   "I have a question."

   "Go on."

   "Why do you dance?"

   I opened my mouth to reply to the ten year old boy who had just spoken, and I found that my lips seemed to have been frozen in place. My entire being was screaming, "To glorify God! To make Him known! To glorify God! To make Him known!" The door was wide open in front of me. All I had to do was take a step in.

   But right as I was about to take that step, I chickened out. I turned away sharply from the open door and walked as fast as I could towards the opposite direction. Where it was safe. Where I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Where it was within my comfort zone. I answered lamely,

   "You know, for fun! For exercise! Because it's a.... fun kind of exercise."

   He nodded, but I could tell from his expression that my answer clearly disappointed him. I wanted to run out of the room and kick myself over and over again. I tried to muster up the courage to try to take back what I'd said and tell him and the other boys the real reason I danced, but I couldn't. The conversation took many twists and turns, yet I was too afraid to steer it towards Him.

   To this day, walking away from that open door is my biggest regret.

   An hour later, I found out a ten year old girl from that same school had gotten saved because one of my friends had had the courage to share the gospel to her. I was overjoyed, but my heart fell at the same time. Those boys could have been part of that, or at least have been put on the same direction, if only I had had enough conviction to tell them about Jesus.

   Looking back, I realize that that had been the problem. Conviction. That time I went on a dance missions trip to Hong Kong was before I truly encountered Him and understood, to the most of my human understanding, His radical, radical love. His love had not yet been real to me, which was why I had lacked the courage and conviction to boldly proclaim the beautiful story He'd written before I was formed. How He loved. How I fell. How He searched. How He ran when I came home.

   Even if I live for nine hundred more years, I will never be able to completely comprehend just how overwhelming and amazing His love is. His perfect love that kills all fear. All. Fear. 

   Maybe you're still afraid to talk about His love because it's not real to you yet, but once it is, you will be unstoppable because that love will seep into your bones, penetrate the beating stone in your chest, melt it, and make it His. It will be impossible for you not to want to lead others to that same love.

   His love makes me move, makes me dance, and guess what?

   I'm not ashamed to say it anymore.

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This blog post is part of Victory Philippines' media movement to encourage its church members to revisit its core values. This week's topic is evangelism. #MyVictoryStory

Read these posts for a more flavorful, different perspective on evangelism.

1. How Will They Hear? by Joe Bonifacio

2. When bad things happen to "good" people by Emmanuelle Gomez

3. Radical Love That Demands a Radical Response by Paolo Punzalan

4. Bad News, Good News by Jenn Punzalan

5. Jesus is More than Just a Ticket to Heaven by Dennis Sy
6. The Miracle at Kenny Rogers' Roasters by Ganns Deen
7. Walk This Way by Karess Rubrico
8. The British Singer by Jek Valle
9. Dare to Share by Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio
10. Scales by Nate Punzalan
11. Let it Glow (and no, this is not about Frozen) by Charls delos Reyes


Or click here to read short evangelical testimonies.